Category Archives: Bridesmaids

Q&A: When the Other Bridesmaids Won’t Help

Q: I’m the maid of honor in my best friend Ashley’s wedding this summer and four of her other friends are bridesmaids. I’m not close with any of them, but I’ve been trying to get them to help me with planning the shower. The all originally agreed to chip in, but now they hardly ever respond to my emails and when they do it’s usually to say that they’re too busy to help out. I know I can’t force these girls to be involved, but I just don’t understand why they won’t contribute at all!

A: First of all, I feel your pain. It’s difficult to be paired up with girls who you don’t know very well and who don’t seem to want to contribute beyond showing up on the wedding day. It can be especially hard when you aren’t close friends with the other bridesmaids, because you have no frame of reference on why they would act this way. You can’t help but think, are they always like this? It’s hard to know what’s causing this, but it could be that they just aren’t as interested in the details of the shower as you. If they’ve never been a bridesmaid before, they may be unfamiliar with what the duties involve outside of the wedding day. And there’s always the sticker shock of a first-time bridesmaid—cost is a tricky subject when budgets are tight and everyone is already paying big money for a dress or travel to the wedding.

That said, if the girls signed on to help and are now backing out, something is up. If you’ve had some negative interactions with them and feel like there’s tension between you and the other girls, then it could be helpful to try and start fresh. When you’re writing emails to them, try to always make it positive and about Ashley—that’s your connection. Be careful not to “blame” them or say anything that seems like an attack. Read your emails over before you send them and delete anything that sounds like criticism. They’ll never help you out if they think you’re against them or have turned into a “MOH-zilla.” You could send them an email that says something like this:

“Ashley’s shower is coming up and I’m really excited to share this special day with her and all her best girl friends! There are still a few things that need to get done before the party. I’m hoping that we can split these up and would really appreciate your help. I know Ashley is going to be so surprised and touched with everything we’re planning and I think she’d love for everyone to be involved. I can’t wait to see her face when she sees [detail from the shower]. Here’s a list of what we need to get done. Can you all let me know what you’d be able to help with? I can’t believe there are only a few weeks until the wedding! Email or text back soon so we can get everything set. Thanks!”

If you only go to the other bridesmaids for the necessities there may also be less drama. Try to send only a few emails and keep them polite, but short and to the point: what you need from them and when you need to know.

If it seems like you’re way past this point or you’ve tried something like that in the past with no luck, another option is to move forward with limited interaction with the other girls. It isn’t required for all the bridesmaids to contribute to the shower and the person who throws a shower varies in every scenario. While some groups will have the bridesmaids band together, other times just the maid of honor throws the shower or it could be thrown by a relative or family friend. It’s tough to take on the burden of planning everything, but you may have to just accept that you’re going to do the bulk of the work.

Next, ask yourself if there’s a person you’ve overlooked who could be an asset. Do you and Ashley have a mutual friend who is not a bridesmaid but will be coming to the shower and wedding? If so, see if you can recruit her to help you with the plans. It wouldn’t be appropriate to ask her to help pay for the shower, but she could be a big help with making decisions, putting things together, decorating…whatever needs to get done to make this shower happen! You could also find an ally in the bride’s mom. If you need help, reach out to her to see if she’d be willing to cohost the shower with you or give her input on the details.

Lastly and I think most importantly, no matter what try to maintain a civil relationship with the other bridesmaids. I know that’s hard when you’re tearing your hair out, but it’s the best thing you can do for your friend. I always try to tell myself that whatever stress I’m feeling about the wedding, the bride’s has got to be 10 times worse. The last thing I’d want to do is add to her stress by creating a bridesmaid infight. When you want to explode at the other girls, just remember that the bride must like them for some reason! Concentrate on Ashley and try to just let the other stuff go. In the end, the day’s about her—but you already know that.

Have a tough question you’d like to submit for the next Ultimate Bridesmaid Q&A? Leave it anonymously in the comments or email us at ultimatebridesmaid@gmail.com.

The Bridesmaid Packing List for the Wedding Day

Everything you need for her big day—plus a printable PDF with all the details.

Pro Tip: Stash a small duffel or large shoulder bag into your luggage to use the day of the wedding. You won’t want to drag your entire suitcase to the bridal suite, so having a smaller bag for everything you need the day of the wedding will come in handy.

For Bridesmaids:

Your dress

Pro Tip: If you’re flying, carry your dress on the plane in a garment bag. Planes have small coat closets that the flight attendants generally use to stash the jackets of businessmen in first class. As you enter the plane, tell the flight attendant that you’re going to a wedding and ask if he or she could hang your dress in the closet. They should be happy to oblige. The last thing you want is some kind of luggage mix-up ending with you minus your dress.

The shoes you’ll wear with the dress

Pro Tip: Never wear new shoes to a wedding! Make sure to break them in by wearing at least three times before the big day. You’re going to be doing a lot of standing and your feet will thank you.

A pair of comfortable sandals to change into at the reception
The right bra and underwear to wear under your dress

Pro Tip: Pre-plan the undergarments you’ll wear under your dress! Make sure to try it on with the bra and underwear you want to wear. Make sure no lines show on the bottom and that the straps are hidden on top. You may need a thong or to go braless. There are lots of crazy bra options for weird backless dresses—or those insane sticky things that hold up your boobs. Make sure you know before the day of the wedding which option you’ll need.

Your wedding gift or a card (can be mailed ahead)
A button-up shirt or loose tank to wear while having your hair and makeup done (or while doing your own)
Comfortable pants or shorts to wear while getting ready

Pro Tip: When choosing the outfit you’ll wear for getting ready, remember that there’s a good chance a photographer will be on hand to take pictures during this time. If you want to rock your comfiest oversized sweats, more power to you. But if you don’t want to be photographed in your gym clothes, pack something neutral and comfortable that you won’t mind taking a few snaps in. Nothing fancy, just maybe something without holes.

Makeup. If you’re doing your own makeup, you’ll need your full makeup bag. If you’re having your makeup professionally done, pack mascara and lip gloss for touch-ups.
Deodorant
Drugs. Chances are butterflies, jitters or heavy drinking from the rehearsal dinner the night before will leave you, the bride or other maids not feeling your best. Pack stomach medicine like Tums, a painkiller like Advil, and allergy medication like Claratin, just to be safe. If you have prescriptions, be sure you include them as well.
Band-aids. Not only for injuries, band-aids can also help with uncomfortable shoes.
Double-stick tape. Savior of strapless dresses that won’t stay up. Can also be used to fix a hem that’s falling out!
Tissues
Bobby pins
Hair styling tools or a picture of the hair style you want. If you’re doing your own hair, make sure to pack all the tools you’ll need, be it curling iron, rollers, dryer, straightener, hair spray, bobby pins, ties, clips, etc.

Pro Tip: Telling a hair stylist to give you an up-do is like telling a chef to make you some food. What kind of up-do do you want? Print out a couple options (or have them saved on your phone).

Jewelry (if you’re wearing it)
Breath mints. No gum. Leads to potential chewing in pictures.
Heel inserts
Shout wipes
Small sewing kit
A camera. It’s hard to take time to snap pictures when you’re in the wedding, but sometimes it’s nice to have on hand, especially if the bride doesn’t plan to have a photographer present while you’re getting ready.
Your cell phone charger (Thanks to reader Karen for the callout!)
A small umbrella (As savvy reader Darby put it, rain on the wedding day may be good luck, but you don’t want to be caught without cover!)

For Maids of Honor:

A copy of your speech
Contact information for all the other bridesmaids, so you can track down latecomers or call for backup if the bride needs anything
A copy of the day’s schedule from the bride so you can help keep everyone on task

Coordinate with the other bridesmaids to make sure someone brings:

Music and speakers. You and the girls are going to want to jam while you’re getting ready, right? Make sure that you or one of the other maids brings portable speakers or some other setup to allow you to pump some tunes while you’re getting ready.
Snacks. Choose high energy but low mess snacks, like fruits and veggies or dark chocolate. You don’t want anything that could drip and leave stains or get crumbs all over your dress.
Bottled water
Drinks like mimosas or champagne if you plan to have a few while getting ready

Pro Tip: Keep drinking before the wedding to a minimum, maybe one or two glasses each. Even if you are normally a pro drinker, emotions run high and you are at the start of a loooong day. You don’t want to risk getting sloppy or feeling tired or sick during the ceremony or photographs from a combination of alcohol, nerves, heat or stress. There will be tons of drinking later, I promise. For now, keep it light.

Any special gifts you plan to give the bride the day of the wedding

And here’s a link to a PDF you can download and print for the day: Bridesmaid Wedding Day Packing List.

Blogger Interview: Rachel of Bridesmaiding

Big things are happening in bridesmaid blog land. First, Ultimate Bridesmaid turned 1 and next up my Twitter friend and fellow Brooklyn bridesmaid blogger (seriously, how many can this borough support?) is debuting a major redesign of her fab site Bridesmaiding. I virtually sat down with Rachel to talk bridesmaid to bridesmaid and get some advice on blogging (and where to get a good cup of joe in South Slope).

Ultimate Bridesmaid: Hi Rachel, my fellow bridesmaid blogger extraordinaire! Thanks for sitting down with me to “talk shop”.

Of course! Happy to be here.

So, tell me about how Bridesmaiding began. When did you start the blog and where did the idea come from?

Bridesmaiding officially went live in July 2010. At that time, I had maybe been in nine weddings or so…and was currently going through a crazy-busy wedding season. My friends all started saying “you should start a website! You should write about this!” I am a web developer by day and a comedian by night, so it just made sense. After returning from a Miami wedding that May and hearing interest from other bridesmaids, I finally got motivated. I sat down and started building the site.

Has your vision for the blog changed at all since you first started? How has it evolved?

It’s definitely evolved. First of all, when I started Bridesmaiding there were no other bridesmaid sites out there. There were sites for brides of course…but no one was tapped into the bridesmaid industry except for one or two purple and pink flashing ad sites selling bachelorette crowns and sashes (no, thank you!). The few references I could find were just so cheesy—and “un-me” and my laid-back girlfriends. I decided I needed to be the voice for laid-back independent-minded women. I needed to be the voice for girls who would rather go to a beer festival in flip-flops than a trendy New York City club in heels. I just kept hearing myself say “Real women are bridesmaids too!”

At first, I thought the site would be a straight-up resource center: how-to’s, tips for planning. When I was a bridesmaid for the first time, I had to do a lot of “figuring it out” on my own. It seemed crazy that there was no guidance available out there. Whenever I attended a wedding, another situation would pop up that I wasn’t really prepared for. I started figuring out how to handle it and writing those situations down. For example, after one crazy wedding weekend, I wrote about whether you need to get your hair and makeup professionally done. Is that a thing we’re required to do? If you’ve never been in one of these situations, you couldn’t even fathom that that was a question you’d need to ask.

So the how-to’s and resources were my initial idea. What i didn’t think about was how much people would resonate with the blog aspect—the true and fictional pieces, and wedding-related stories that people would want to contribute! It’s just been such a fun add-on to the site.

Is there an article or topic you’re most proud of? What articles or posts seem to really resonate with your readers?

I am proud of so many articles—this is a tough one! (It’s a good problem to have, I guess!) Well, according to my stats and Pinterest, the most popular posts seem to be the Bridesmaids Scrapbook and make your own wedding planning binder posts. People really gravitate towards those easy DIY projects. Also, of course, people are always looking for bachelorette games. But for me, I really enjoy the true stories that people share. I wrote this one piece about my girlfriends and I getting dressed and beautified together for a wedding and it just makes me laugh! Also, a good friend wrote this story about her White Trash Wedding experience and it’s just unreal—a must-read. Because I work with so many comedians, I have a lot of great writers built into my network! That is definitely something that makes Bridesmaiding different from any other bridal site. And it’s something I like about us. I like that we’re different.

You asked me a really great question about how to handle the negative aspects of being a bridesmaid in your writing. I’d love to get your take on it as well. How are you open and honest with your readers without potentially hurting feelings? And what’s your take on all the “bridesmaid hate” out there?

Well, similiar to you, I definitely don’t ever want my site to be a place where I vent about my friends. By any means. It is a hard balance though, because my advice comes from experience. Also, once a girl is engaged and planning a wedding, even a super laid-back girl can sometimes turn into a slightly different person! None of my friends have been bridezillas by any means. But they have cried about some silly things and made some insane requests they never would’ve normally asked for if they weren’t planning a wedding. The problem now is that I want to write about it but I can’t! My friends will say “I know this is annoying but can you please (whatever) and I know I’m being a crazy bride but please don’t write about it on your website!” Anyway, when I am writing, I try to remove anything personal from the bride’s side and just focus on what has helped me out—what are the questions I needed to ask that other people will need help answering as well. And I go from there.

I think the best way to handle any “bridesmaid hate” is by doing good work and by showing “the haters” that real women are bridesmaids too. The reasons we do what we do is because we are good friends and we love our brides.

Do you find any truth in the old idea that weddings are a great place to meet men (especially if you’re a bridesmaid)?

Nope.

Okay fine. I guess that’s not totally true. Continue reading →

A Floral Fairground Bridal Shower in Los Angeles

After a festive Memorial Day weekend, I had to share this amazing red, white and blue shower that elevates a carnival theme to a whole new level. An event planner herself, Bride Allyson created a dreamy fairground bridal shower at the gorgeous Hotel Bel-Air in Los Angeles by pouring on special details for the day. My favorite by far? White hydrangeas and ranunculus in popcorn containers—they look good enough to eat! An old-timey iron cart served as a snow cone bar and the pinstriped table linens were lined with bursts of colorful blooms. Allyson sealed everything with a kiss, from the lips and mustache props left at each table setting so guests could get a little silly to her so-chic black-and-white dress to the heartfelt smooch she shared with her groom-to-be. Photography: Kim Fox Photography | Planning, Rentals, Florals: Bob Gail Special Events | Venue: Swan Lake at Hotel Bel-Air | Linens: La Tavola Linens

Bath and Beauty Favors

I recently finished moving, so after all that packing and unpacking I’ve been seriously considered a spa day complete with a massage. Next best thing to an expensive appointment? One of these spa gift sets! These would be perfect for bridal shower party favors, or to incorporate into an at-home spa party. They’d also make great bridesmaid favors. Your maids are going to want to relax after the wedding too—and they don’t have a honeymoon to look forward to!

The graphic ombre lines on this spa gift set box remind me of sunset over the ocean. The kit has everything you need for a perfectly rejuvenating bath: salts, body oil, a clay facial mask and lip balm.

Hello, darling little owl soap. Yes, I must have you! Oh, you arrive with a lip balm and nourishing serum? How lovely!

This sugar scrub, exfoliating goat’s milk soap and natural lip balm will leave you and your maids glowing. There are tons of scents to choose from here.

In scents like lavender lemongrass, orange patchouli walnut, and rosewood, these organic soaps are not only gorgeous—they give back. For each bar you purchase, Poppy Soap Co. donates a bar to a local women’s shelter.

This at-home facial kit is perfect for a spa party in your living room. Set up stations for manicures, pedicures and facials and then have girls switch off.

Bachelorette Party Inspiration Boards: Lipstick, Lingerie & Wine

Lipstick Love

I’ve wanted to do a lipstick inspiration board ever since I saw the very popular image on Pinterest of rows of lipstick kisses framed after a bachelorette party. The dark reds and browns of this Wedding Paper Divas invite pair perfectly with signature cherry whiskey smash cocktails. Outfit the bride in a custom kiss the bride tee and send the guests home with these old-fashioned homemade ball lollipops. I couldn’t resist going a little bit literal with these cherry chocolate kiss cookies and why not throw in a few mustaches to represent the man in her life (even if no boys are allowed).

Lingerie and Lace

A lingerie shower is by far one of the most popular themes for a bachelorette party, but too often the result is tacky rather than sweet. I recommend keeping things delicate and fresh with light colors and lace—no hot pinks please! We’re going for bridal, not stripper. I decided to infuse a bit of a Parisian vibe since France is known for its lingerie, so I wanted macarons…but it was really hard to pick which ones! Finally I landed on lemon with blackberry filling because I loved the pop of neon sprinkles on the white icing. I carried through the French connection with champagne in glamorous gold-dusted glasses and an “ooh-la-la” invitation. A clothesline to display the underpinnings is a must and I like daffodils for the flowers because they feel so fresh and sweet. These lingerie favors are some of my favorites—each is filled with chai tea or hot chocolate mix!

Fine Wine

Women and wine—we just click. I loved the smoky charcoal grey and fuchsia of this Girls Night Out invite and added lavender to complete my wine theme. Incorporate wine bottles into your decor by making them into art pieces like these neon paint-dipped ones, by simply filling them with flowers, or by dressing them up with these faux-fur bags. These creative favor packages include some great ideas, like sending your guests off with bath salts, a corkscrew, chocolates, and wine, of course. Sounds like a perfect bath in the making. The food was too fun. Two words: Cheese cake. Literally. For dessert, incorporate the theme with dark chocolate merlot cupcakes or sweet and tart champagne raspberry popsicles.

For more bachelorette inspiration, visit my Pinterest board.

This post contains a few affiliate links. All products are selected because we love them—if you love them too, you’re helping support Ultimate Bridesmaid. So thanks!

Ultimate Bridesmaid’s Top 10 Posts: Year 1

When I was first asked to be a bridesmaid, I Googled “bridesmaid duties” (just like you probably did) and found myself led to a string of websites that look like they were thrown together around the time the internet was invented. I was really disappointed to see that there was very little real advice for bridesmaids that delved below the superficial and most of the lists I found seemed dated and out of touch, a sort of “Miss Manners” approach rather than an honest assessment of what to expect. I decided to use my own experience to put together articles and guides that might help other women like me. I’m really honored to find out that these articles dominate this year’s top 10. I could spend hours collaging gorgeous images of bridal showers or compiling bachelorette inspiration boards, but I really put my heart into these articles. Thanks for reading them and I promise I’ll keep more coming in year two. Please let me know what topics you’d like more info on in the coming year!

1. The Ultimate Maid of Honor Speech

This post was far and away the highest viewed in our first year. In my opinion, delivering a speech at a wedding is probably the most difficult thing asked of the maid of honor. Planning parties may be time consuming and logistically complicated, but writing and delivering a speech comes with a lot of pressure. This post breaks down how to structure the beginning, middle and end of your speech, with ideas for topics, jumping-off points and even a gimmick or two.

2. The Maid of Honor Speech: Do’s and Don’ts

Speech writing and giving was such a large topic that I had to split it into two posts. If you’re looking for down and dirty tips for delivering the speech, I actually recommend this post over the first, which is more focused on the writing process.

3. Bachelorette Games: The Fiancé Quiz

After the Maid of Honor Speech, you were most interested in bachelorette games. This is a classic, and is still my number one go-to for every kind of bachelorette party, be it a raucous destination weekend or a more intimate dinner with friends. It can even be adapted to a bridal shower—just make the question PG-13 for the daytime crowd.

4. Bachelorette Games: Bar Scavenger Hunt

Your fourth favorite post—with super-fun free printable checklist!

5. Bachelorette Games: Most Likely To…

A hilarious game to play with a close-knit group of friends (even if its not a bachelorette party!).

6. 5 Simple Bridal Shower Games (that don’t suck)

I typically find bridal shower games to be incredibly boring, so I decided to pull together five not-lame options. Toilet paper wedding dresses are just not my jam. Being made to wear a hideous veil every time you let the word “bride” or “wedding” slip? Highly preferable. Maybe that’s just me.

7. A Step-by-Step Guide to Planning a Bachelorette Weekend

This post was seriously a labor of love. I pulled from all of my experiences to put together all the details for organizing a bachelorette weekend, with a timeline and advice on how to coordinate a huge number of girls, find lodging, book dinners, plan events and keep everyone entertained.

8 and 9. Lingerie Shower and Mission Bachelorette Party!

These two posts make me a little bit nostalgic and bring back great memories because they are two of my very first posts on Ultimate Bridesmaid. Both talk about my own experiences planning parties, one for my friend Amanda’s lingerie shower in Atlanta and another for my friend Marisa’s bachelorette party in Savannah.

10. Six Dirty Details Bridesmaids Need to Know

From your unofficial role as Designated Bride Bodyguard on bachelorette night to corset-lacing, bustling and the ol “help the bride pee” bit on wedding day, this list includes six parts of bridesmaiding you may not be looking forward to, but you’ll need to be prepared all the same!

…..

Let me know what aspects of bridesmaid duties you want to know more about in the comments! I’ll have many new guides and articles in year 2.

Ultimate Bridesmaid

The bridesmaid blog for bridal shower and bachelorette party inspiration, bridesmaid duties, party games, fashion, favors and more

Category Archives: Bridesmaids

Q&A: When the Other Bridesmaids Won’t Help

Like this:

The Bridesmaid Packing List for the Wedding Day

Like this:

Blogger Interview: Rachel of Bridesmaiding

Like this:

A Floral Fairground Bridal Shower in Los Angeles

Like this:

Bath and Beauty Favors

Like this:

Bachelorette Party Inspiration Boards: Lipstick, Lingerie & Wine

Like this:

Ultimate Bridesmaid’s Top 10 Posts: Year 1

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this: