I’m only a few weeks pregnant and attending my friend’s bachelorette party. Obviously I’m planning not to drink, but I don’t feel comfortable sharing my news yet. What’s the best way to hide that I’m pregnant so I can avoid questions I’m not ready to answer?
Isn’t it weird that people are like detectives when it comes to not drinking?! They really have to get to the bottom of why there’s no alcohol in your glass! I recently did a Whole30, a diet plan that eliminates alcohol (among other things) for 30 days, and while I was on it I went to a happy hour. When I ordered a seltzer with lime, someone immediately blurted out, “what, are you pregnant?!” The answer was no, but honestly, why can’t people control themselves? There are a thousand reasons I might not want to drink today. I was tempted to be like, “no, but I am a recovering alcoholic, thanks!” It’s really very rude for people to question your reasons for not drinking, but that doesn’t change the fact that they do it all the time. If you ordered a cheeseburger with salad instead of fries, would everyone at the table be like, “oh my god, why didn’t Karen order the fries? Let’s grill her about it in front of the whole group!” No, they wouldn’t! OK, sorry, that’s my rant on people being nosy about alcohol. On to your problem! You want to attend the bachelorette party, but you don’t want to have to explain yourself or field questions on whether you’re preggers or not. Here’s how to hide pregnancy at a bachelorette party.
First, consider telling the bride or your best friend at the party. That way, you’ll have someone who knows your situation and can help you be sneaky. If someone orders a round of shots, you can give yours to the bride and no one will think anything of it. If you don’t feel comfortable telling the bride, then the person you need to make friends with is your server. Head to the bar on your own as soon as you arrive and tell your server you won’t be drinking tonight, but you don’t want your friends to know. You aren’t the first woman to experience this, and chances are your server will be totally game to help! Tell the server to bring you a seltzer with lime in a cocktail glass and keep them coming all night long, no matter what you order in front of your friends. It will look like you’re drinking vodka sodas all night and no one will be the wiser. Another good fakeout drink is a fruity cocktail prepared without alcohol. If you act like you’re drinking, most of the time no one will notice a thing.
What if someone hands you a drink or buys a round of shots? Two courses of action. Option 1: Accept the drink and say thank you. Then hold it in your hand for a minute or two and once the attention has shifted elsewhere, casually set it aside and switch back to your fake cocktail. If you are discrete, no one will notice. They’ll just assume you downed that thing! Second option, especially with shots: Claim you absolutely cannot stand that liquor. “Oh my gosh, thank you so much, but I cannot do tequila shots. It was the first liquor that made me sick in college and now I just can’t touch it! I’m just going to grab another vodka soda!” Everyone has the one liquor they cannot stand, so this excuse should be pretty widely accepted. Offer your extra shot to the bride and take a big glug of your seltzer and lime.
If anyone sniffs you out and asks that rude question, “hey, why aren’t you drinking?”, you can also use the old “I’m on antibiotics” trick or tell them you’re in the middle of a cleanse that doesn’t allow alcohol and you really want to see it through. When I was not drinking for Whole30, I found that the thing people were most concerned about was that I wasn’t having any fun because I wasn’t drinking. This couldn’t be further from the truth. You really can attend an event and not drink alcohol and have a great time (shocker, I know). But sometimes all people need to leave you alone is reassurance that you are having fun. So if someone finds out you aren’t drinking, give your antibiotic or diet excuse, then smile and say, “But don’t worry, I am having a blast! Let’s go dance!”