Category Archives: Basics

The Ultimate Maid of Honor Speech

In my experience, a maid of honor toast can go two ways: funny or sentimental. We sort of luck out in that way. The best man basically has to be funny. It’s expected of him. But if stand-up comedy is not your thing, you are off the hook. You can be totally sweet and heartfelt and people will love it. If you can make a crowd laugh though, go for it! Stick to what you’re good at and you’ll end up with a speech that feels genuine and that you’ll feel comfortable giving. I try to create a good balance of funny and sweet, so my personal approach is to open funny and then slowly progress to sweet, ending with heartfelt well wishes for the couple and a big hug (tears optional).

Your toast basically has three elements: a beginning, middle and end. Here’s a general outline to get you started.

The Beginning

Start by introducing yourself and share how you know the bride. Say “For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Caitlin and I’m the bride’s sister/best friend/sorority sister/former roommate.” This may sound like a boring opening, but unless you know every single person at this wedding, it’s important to mention who you are and your relationship to the bride. You can mention how long you’ve known each other if the number is impressive (don’t say “I’ve known the bride for one year”) and quickly tell the story of how you met if it’s funny or cute.

I find this is a nice soft opening. It’s personal and you can usually work in a laugh. If the story of how you met isn’t doing it for you, the intro is also a good time to throw in some stories about being her maid of honor or to mention how honored or excited you are to share this day with her.

After your introduction, it’s also nice to work in a thank you to the bride’s parents if they are paying for the wedding. It’s not required, but it’s a nice touch. You can say something as simple as “And I want to extend a big thank you to Mr. and Mrs. Jones for hosting this amazing celebration!”

The Middle

The middle of the speech is understandably the hardest. This is where you need to decide what you want to say today. Be advised: It is ok for these things to be short. Try to keep your speech at 5 minutes maximum. Any more and the crowd is going to get restless and start murmuring amongst themselves and storming the buffet. Take some time to think about the kind of tone you want to set with your speech. Jot down words that describe the couple or remind you of stories you might tell. It can be helpful to choose a framework for your speech. Here are some ideas to help organize your thoughts and get your started.

  1. Tell the story of how the bride and groom met or how he proposed. Not everyone at the wedding may know theses stories and if there’s something especially touching or funny about them, it can be a great way to focus on the couple and enhance their day. At Marisa’s wedding, I told the story of their proposal. Marisa broke her wrist on their skiing trip and almost didn’t make it to the top of the mountain where Justin planned to propose. He had to lure her up with the promise of waffles and nutella. I told the story, then ended by telling Justin that I hope he always shows Marisa the support he gave her that day and that I hope Marisa always goes to the top of the mountain—even if there’s no nutella that day. You can use stories from the couples’  relationship as examples of why they’ll have a great marriage. In my opinion, this is the best recipe for a great speech.
  2. Format your speech as “the three reasons Tiffany is right for Mark, or Mark is right for Tiffany.” Continue reading →

Q&A: Can I bring a date (and should I)?

Q: As a member of the wedding party, can I bring a date? And more importantly, should I? I know I’ll be with the bride for long periods of time, so what can I do to make the wedding a good experience for my date too?

A: If you’re not seeing someone on a steady basis and you’re a member of the wedding party, I’d strongly recommend not inviting a date. The demands of being a bridesmaid will keep you away from your guest for a fair amount of time, so it’s not a good venue to test a new relationship. Likewise, you’ll be surrounded by girlfriends, so there’s no chance you’ll feel left out without a date.

If you do have a significant other, ask yourself a few very important questions before asking them to come to the wedding. First, ask your bride what the seating arrangement will be at the reception. Very few brides insist on the old-fashioned head-table set-up, but if your bride wants this traditional format, then the wedding party is seated apart from their dates. This means that the day of the wedding you’ll probably say goodbye to your date early in the morning to get ready with the bride and not meet up with them again until the dancing starts after dinner.

The next question you should ask yourself: Does my date know anyone at the wedding who they can hang out with? Continue reading →

Bridesmaid Survival Kit

As a gift to her bridesmaids, Marisa put together this amazing survival kit. It was the perfect gift, both thoughtful and useful. It’s a great idea to have a kit like this on hand for the wedding day, so make sure to pack some of these essentials. Here’s what Marisa included in her gift box:

Kleenex (for mid-ceremony tears), Altoids, hair spray, Band-Aids, hair ties and bobby pins, Tide to Go pen (for emergency spills and spots), Soft Lips tinted lip conditioner with SPF 15 in Rose (love), a combination mirror and pop-out brush, clear nail polish, a tiny emery board, a small bottle of our favorite liquor (gin pictured for me), Roxy flip-flops to slip on at the reception, chocolates (not pictured, because I ate them) and gorgeous pendant necklaces to wear with our dresses.

An extended bridesmaid kit, ready for the day’s emergencies, should also include some meds: Advil, Tums, maybe some Claritin if the bride has allergies. Dr. Scholl’s heel liners have absolutely saved my life in the past (I once had to beg the father of the bride run to the nearest Walgreen’s to buy six of these). Two-sided tape can come in handy, both in keeping up slipping strapless dresses or fixing a hem that starts to come out. And if someone has a portable MP3 player or speakers for an iPhone, ask them to bring them along! You’ll be happy you have some jams while you’re getting ready!

Marisa and Justin are married!

Last weekend I traveled to Florida for Marisa’s wedding in St. Augustine. I cannot wait to see the professional photographs and share a few with you, but in the meantime here are a couple of my snaps from the day and some highlights from the bridesmaid front.

The happily married couple in our wedding trolley!

Marisa had a rainbow vision for her bridesmaids, a wash of jewel-toned dupioni. We didn’t see the dresses all together until the day of the wedding and we were all blown away with how pretty they looked together. She picked just the right shades! We each chose a style from a selection of three. You can find my ivy V-neck with cap sleeves here, Alyssa’s strapless number here, and Maria’s violet scoopneck here, all by Alfred Sung.


Instead of bouquets, Marisa made us these clutches with retro brooches chosen to match our dresses. They definitely came in handy since we could slip in tissues, lip gloss and even our cameras! I was able to take more pictures before and after the ceremony because of them, although all of my photos conspicuously stop when I reach the reception, probably because I was busy “partying my face off” as Marisa would say. Oh, and stressing about my speech.

Marisa and I before the ceremony! The bridesmaids seriously earned our keep with her gorgeous dress. It was ridiculously heavy and required at least two helping hands to get her in and out of the trolley (or one groomsman lifting her up like a doll. This was much more effective.). All the bridesmaids had something to manage to get her around—her train, her veil, her spectacular oversize bouquet, her towel for dabbing off in the summer heat. Like I always say, being a bridesmaid is hard work!

Probably our favorite activity at the reception was this amazing photobooth, stocked with props. I was really impressed with the photo quality and the imaginative facial expressions. The results can be seen below and the Florida-based company Marisa used is Phobooth.

My darling boyfriend and I. He’s gotten quite good at attending weddings with me. The arrow was supposed to point at him…in the heat of the moment I made a fatal error.

Fellow Maid of Honor Alyssa joins the picture. This is post-speeches, hence our relaxed demeanor.

A gathering of excellent people.

Many more wedding details to come, including Maid of Honor speech tips and Marisa’s amazing bridesmaid survival kits.

Wedding Day Duties

So the day has finally come. Time to put your game face on and make the bride your number one priority. It’s important to keep things in perspective and remember the role you signed up for. Your bride may be giddy with happiness or petrified with nerves—just be the friend she needs that day.

I’ll use photographs from the lovely Michele’s wedding to lay out how a traditional wedding day will unfold. This of course all flies out the window if your bride has planned a nontraditional ceremony. In that case, just be sure to communicate with her beforehand and know what she needs you to do.

So in our traditional scenario, bridesmaids are asked to meet several hours early to start getting ready. For a girl who can be dressed and out the door in fifteen minutes this may seem excessive, but you really will need the time if everyone is planning to get hair and makeup professionally done. Even if that’s not the case, remember that job of yours? Support. Your bride wants to be surrounded by her friends. Show up when she asks.

Ok, so the hair and makeup folks have arrived or you have broken out the curling irons and mascara yourself and the primping is under way. Wear a button-down shirt or loose top so that your hair and makeup won’t get messed up and you’ll be comfortable. What else should you do for the next couple hours? I’m partial to celebratory mimosas but I highly, highly recommend keeping drinking in check—one or two at most. If you start getting ready in the morning for an afternoon or evening wedding and drink at a steady pace, people will be wasted, tired and sloppy at the actual event. MOHs can coordinate with the bride’s mother to make sure there will be food for everyone. If Mom’s not planning to provide, make it your job to arrange this. You all need to eat at least something small. No one wants to pass out at the wedding. Youtube “bridesmaid fainting” for a preview of how that will go.

Holding the bride’s mimosa.

This is also a great time to present the bride with a small gift from her maids. For Michele, we got her an FSU garter. The bride may have favors for you as well (Michele made us beautiful bracelets to wear on the day!). Sometimes you’ll present the bride with a gift as a group, but I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary since you’ll already have given her shower/bachelorette/wedding gifts. One thing I always try to do though is bring a card for the bride and share a private moment with her. I like to include my thanks for asking me to be in her wedding, my excitement for the day and encouragement about the future. It’s a great way to share a personal moment before she gets swept up in the events of the ceremony and reception. I kind of cherish that getting ready time, because after that the bride is going to be bombarded by the other guests and you won’t have as much time with her.

Michele with her gift—an FSU garter.

After all the maids are dressed, you’ll help the bride into her gown. If she’s using a professional photographer they will probably be on hand at that point to capture the moment. For the next hour (or so) you’ll take pictures with the bride, either at the reception venue or the church. Some couples may choose to do a “first look,” in which case the whole wedding party will meet up and take photographs before the ceremony. If there’s no first look, you’ll be expected to take more pictures after the ceremony. Either way, you’re in for the long haul here. The MOH should stay with the bride at all times and make sure her dress and hair are always looking great. Carry her train for her if she has one and step in to fix problems if you see them (I don’t want to even get into the red underwear situation).

The first look!

After photographs it’s time for the ceremony! When processing down the aisle, adopt that time-honored BBQ slogan: slow and low. Walk slowly and carry your bouquet low, where your hands would sit naturally if you folded them in front. Higher will block your face and dress and just looks weird. The MOH holds the ring (if she has a pocket or place to keep it; if not sometimes the best man will carry both rings). She stands beside the bride, fixes her train and veil when the bride makes it down the aisle and holds the bride’s bouquet and her own throughout the ceremony. When the vows are said and the ceremony complete, the MOH, along with the Best Man, will sign the marriage license—the true reason we have attendants in the first place. They are our witnesses to the validity of the marriage!

Excellent bouquet form.

If your couple has planned post-ceremony pictures you’ll now partake in those. Then the wedding party heads to the reception. Some couples may want you to be formally introduced, in which case you’ll wait for the other guests to enter and then come into the reception as your names are announced. Sometimes the wedding party stands around the dance floor as the couple has their first dance, other times they might join in after a few bars or just take your seats. It’s a good idea to find out in the morning what your bride had planned for this, because in the moment she’s going to be a litttle preoccupied.

An enthusiastic introduction.

The bridal party gathers around during the first dance.

Then, unless you’re the MOH, your “official” duties have ended! Your unofficial duties: make sure guests are having a good time—point out wedding day events like photo booths or guest books, help pass out favors, lead dances if necessary, chat with lonely old ladies, if single cruise for eligible bachelors—you know the drill. If your bride has taken a more DIY approach, your work may only be beginning, but that’s really specific to each bride.

She doesn’t even know that woman (to my knowledge).

If you’re the MOH, you’ll need to give a speech. But more on that another time.

Bridesmaid Basics

The first time I was asked to join a wedding party I felt a rush of excitement and anticipation, shortly followed by this thought: “Ok, what exactly does this job actually entail?” Though I did know a lot of the basics, I soon realized that being a bridesmaid is also a kind of state of mind (how very zen). Here are the basics of bridesmaid and maid/matron of honor duties, both tangible and intangible. I think of these first two as rules:

 1. Be there for the bride.

This one seems like a no-brainer, but it can’t be overstated. You’ve been chosen as a bridesmaid because you have a close, special relationship with the bride. She chose you as a bridesmaid for the same reasons she chose you as her friend and she is hoping that you will bring all the qualities that she loves about your friendship to your role as her bridesmaid. While some bridesmaids do pitch in with actual wedding planning—going to dress fittings, addressing envelopes, arranging flowers and the like—this isn’t a mandatory part of being a bridesmaid. What is officially part of your job, as both a bridesmaid and just a regular old friend, is offering a listening and supportive ear to the bride as she plans her wedding. The process can be stressful and the bride will appreciate knowing that you won’t mind if she goes on and on about whether the wedding color should be lilac or violet. She may need someone to vent to or someone to reassure her that she can do it. Just be that person. If you’d like to help more but don’t live near the bride, you can always dig up inspiration and send her links to venues and vendors. Joint Pinterest boards, anyone?

2. Do not complain.

Hate the dress? Too bad. Anxious about how you’ll look on the day? That’s your problem! Planning a wedding is stressful and brides count on their girls to provide a safe haven from the madness. Do everything you can to encourage and support. This doesn’t mean you should lie. If your bride asks what you think of her dress options, weigh in honestly. She’s asking you because she respects your opinion. Just keep things positive and make sure she knows you’re excited for the day and recognize how hard she’s working.

Once you’ve mastered the rules, the following will come naturally.

 3. Bridal showers and bachelorette parties.

While it’s not mandatory to throw the bride a shower or plan a bachelorette party, many bridesmaids do choose to do this. Of the two parties, the bachelorette most typically falls to the bridesmaids and the MOH in particular to plan. Maids of honor should talk to their brides about what kind of party they want and then take the reins and plan something you know they’ll love. Throw a party that reflects her personality, whether it be a wild weekend in New Orleans, a backyard BBQ or a quiet retreat to a mountain cabin. Bridal showers can be thrown by the bridesmaids, or by a relative or family friend of the bride. Bridesmaids should try to attend all events if you are local and at least one event if you have to travel. Combination shower/bachelorette weekends are ideal for friends who are spread out across the country. You get to spend more time together and pack all these traditional events into one crazy weekend.

 4. Pay your way.

Some brides may offer to pay for some of these things, but you should by no means expect it. A normal part of being a bridesmaid is chipping in for your dress, shoes, makeup and hair. Please refer to rule 2. That said, of course everyone has different budgets and we all understand that being in weddings can be expensive. My advice is to speak with your bride about concerns once, at the beginning of planning. After that, try not to burden her. There are lots of ways to get creative with money. A personal gift or small token instead of a big purchase from the registry is perfectly fine. You being in the wedding is enough of a gift to the bride. You can also opt to do your own hair and makeup, or split transportation and hotel costs with other wedding guests to save. As a last resort, you can opt out of the bachelorette or shower. The bride should understand that if you can only afford one big trip, the wedding is the more important one.

 5. Help her enjoy the day.

Be on time the day of the wedding. Help the bride get ready. You may find yourself called on to perform the unofficial bridesmaid duty of keeping the groomsmen in line during photos (orders to “put down that beer and smile” may be required). Your bride will need different things from you depending on the format of the wedding. I’ve brought out trays of lasagna at a backyard wedding or been formally introduced and joined the first dance at more traditional receptions. Make sure you know what she expects before the events kick off. Once the festivities get going, she’s going to be focused on her groom and her guests and if her bridesmaids know the drill it will keep things running smoothly.

Maid of Honor:

The maid of honor does all of the above and more. I’ll go into more detail about these in the future, but for now make sure you:

  • Plan a bachelorette party and/or shower.
  • Be the point person for the other bridesmaids. On wedding day you’ll need to keep on a schedule and it will take the burden off the bride if you make sure all the girls are on time and ready to go.
  • Hold the ring and bouquet during the ceremony.
  • Constantly keep an eye on your bride and make sure she looks great. Adjust her dress or hair if she needs it.
  • Sign the marriage license.
  • Give a speech and toast at the reception.

The truth is, each wedding and bride is different and they’re going to need different things from their ‘maids. If you follow rules 1 and 2, you can’t go wrong.

What else should every bridesmaid do? What unusual duties have you had to take on? Leave it in comments!

Welcome to The Ultimate Bridesmaid Guide

The wedding season of my life seemed to begin all at once. Around the time I turned 24 there was a mad dash to the jewelry store and all of the sudden many of my friends were engaged. When the dust settled, I found myself invited to five weddings that would occur over the course of six months. Before 2010, I had attended a few family weddings and at the age of three I’d had a stunning turn as a flower girl who refused to drop her petals.*

So needless to say I didn’t have much experience going into that first wedding in 2011. But I was excited to make that transition from family wedding to friend wedding. It was fun for me to field texts and emails from my friends as they planned their weddings, weighing in on dresses and flowers, venues and food. But most importantly, I truly felt this sense of honor that they had asked me to be in the weddings. I felt a surge of energy. I wanted to help. I wanted to be the best bridesmaid possible!

Over the course of that year (and still today!) I learned a lot about the business of getting married. I realized I was catching on when a wedding coordinator turned to me during a tour of his hotel ballroom and said, “you’ve done this before, haven’t you?” I’ve been involved in all kinds of weddings now, from DIY backyard celebrations for 70 guests to country club receptions for 150. I’ve thrown and attended destination bachelorette weekends, dreamed up shower themes and gifts, shopped for bridesmaid dresses, given speeches, and tried to be there for my wonderful friends as they have planned their weddings.

Let’s make one thing clear: being a bridesmaid is a lot easier than being a bride. But, I’ve learned a lot about how a bridesmaid can help her bride. I’ve also been really impressed with some of the beautiful projects and ideas my brides (yes, they are mine) have come up with. I’ll include my own advice to bridesmaids, inspiration for showers and parties, as well as details from my friends’ weddings that I found particularly unique or personal. I hope this blog will serve as a point of inspiration for ladies both behind and beside the veil.

*When I quite innocently asked what would become of the flowers after I dropped them, I was told someone would throw them away after the ceremony. I could not abide this, so video records show a stone-faced three-year-old with no intention of sacrificing her powder blue petals.