Q: As a member of the wedding party, can I bring a date? And more importantly, should I? I know I’ll be with the bride for long periods of time, so what can I do to make the wedding a good experience for my date too?
A: If you’re not seeing someone on a steady basis and you’re a member of the wedding party, I’d strongly recommend not inviting a date. The demands of being a bridesmaid will keep you away from your guest for a fair amount of time, so it’s not a good venue to test a new relationship. Likewise, you’ll be surrounded by girlfriends, so there’s no chance you’ll feel left out without a date.
If you do have a significant other, ask yourself a few very important questions before asking them to come to the wedding. First, ask your bride what the seating arrangement will be at the reception. Very few brides insist on the old-fashioned head-table set-up, but if your bride wants this traditional format, then the wedding party is seated apart from their dates. This means that the day of the wedding you’ll probably say goodbye to your date early in the morning to get ready with the bride and not meet up with them again until the dancing starts after dinner.
The next question you should ask yourself: Does my date know anyone at the wedding who they can hang out with? Continue reading →
As a gift to her bridesmaids, Marisa put together this amazing survival kit. It was the perfect gift, both thoughtful and useful. It’s a great idea to have a kit like this on hand for the wedding day, so make sure to pack some of these essentials. Here’s what Marisa included in her gift box:
Kleenex (for mid-ceremony tears), Altoids, hair spray, Band-Aids, hair ties and bobby pins, Tide to Go pen (for emergency spills and spots), Soft Lips tinted lip conditioner with SPF 15 in Rose (love), a combination mirror and pop-out brush, clear nail polish, a tiny emery board, a small bottle of our favorite liquor (gin pictured for me), Roxy flip-flops to slip on at the reception, chocolates (not pictured, because I ate them) and gorgeous pendant necklaces to wear with our dresses.
An extended bridesmaid kit, ready for the day’s emergencies, should also include some meds: Advil, Tums, maybe some Claritin if the bride has allergies. Dr. Scholl’s heel liners have absolutely saved my life in the past (I once had to beg the father of the bride run to the nearest Walgreen’s to buy six of these). Two-sided tape can come in handy, both in keeping up slipping strapless dresses or fixing a hem that starts to come out. And if someone has a portable MP3 player or speakers for an iPhone, ask them to bring them along! You’ll be happy you have some jams while you’re getting ready!
I just discovered this chart by mint.com on the cost of being a bridesmaid and yeesh! $1695!! I have to admit that I’ve never added up all the costs like this before, but in looking at this chart, it seems pretty accurate (and even conservative sometime). The second portion of the chart offers some advice (click to enlarge), which I’ll expand on. I think it’s always a good idea to combine the shower and bachelorette into one weekend. That can eliminate a huge chunk in travel fees, which is where you really get hit hard. When possible, it’s also nice to choose a location where you can all stay at someone’s house or apartment.
I also agree that shelling out for a big-ticket wedding gift isn’t necessary. A personal gift or small item from the registry is fine. The bride and groom want you to be there for the wedding and their priority is your presence, not your presents.
I’d also advise brides to make getting your hair and makeup done optional, or at least shop around for good prices. If the bride wants to spend more on her hair and makeup (and why shouldn’t she?), she could bring in a lower-cost hair stylist or makeup artist to work with her bridesmaids. You can also cut down on costs by using a dress rental service like Little Borrowed Dress or Rent the Runway, or by choosing dresses with lower price tags.
Of course, this is a touchy subject. I think no bride wants to feel like she’s costing her friends a lot of money. And no friend wants to complain about the cost because we want to make our bride happy and make her day as beautiful and special as possible. Try to approach the issue with delicacy and remember that you’ll want her to do the same for you when it’s time for your big day.
A new crop of bridal shower invites especially for summer showers. I chose invites full of bright colors and floral motifs. These all seem perfect for outdoor events!
I’m such a sucker for the chevron pattern right now and the combination of fonts and colors in this one makes it feel quirky and laid-back. It says “come to my patio, there will be fruity cocktails.”
Though the colors are customizable on this one, I’d go with the default combo. The grey, aqua and grass green seem perfect for a late summer shower.
I love the watercolor feeling of these flowers and the pretty pastel palette. Seems perfect for a garden party. Bonus: the flowers spill over onto the back of the invite as well!
I adore these Stock the Bar shower invites. They’re available in several different color palettes and seem to promise something cooling and refreshing. The intricate wrought-iron table and the delicate blue leaves make the invite feel handcrafted and unique.
This one sets the mood by suggesting twilight, twinkle lights and plenty of cocktails. I also love the included recipe card, which would make a fun game for the party and a nice keepsake for the couple.
I think this lime and coral number is my fave of the bunch. This modern summer invite screams margaritas and daiquiris to me and would be perfect for a summer fiesta theme.
My friend Nicole should be the poster girl for DIY weddings. She arranged a sunset ceremony in her backyard right on the St. John’s River, and we were surrounded by sunflowers while two of her friends strummed guitar and other friends snapped photos. Nicole even made all the food herself, with the help of her aunts and Mom (more on that later). One of my favorite projects from the wedding though was her Thumbprint Tree Guest Book.
You can find lots of trees on Etsy, but they’re a bit expensive. Nicole’s fiance Brenhan is a great artist, so he painted this one himself and I added the calligraphy. Then we set it out on a small table with four different shades of green ink (found at Michael’s) and paper towels and water to clean your finger after leaving your print. We also set out a pen so that guests could sign their name next to their print. At informal receptions, bridesmaids can be a huge help in getting things like this done. I offered to take charge of the guest book, circulated and asked guests if they’d had a chance to “sign” it yet and helped show them what to do. The result was absolutely gorgeous!
The first time I was asked to join a wedding party I felt a rush of excitement and anticipation, shortly followed by this thought: “Ok, what exactly does this job actually entail?” Though I did know a lot of the basics, I soon realized that being a bridesmaid is also a kind of state of mind (how very zen). Here are the basics of bridesmaid and maid/matron of honor duties, both tangible and intangible. I think of these first two as rules:
1. Be there for the bride.
This one seems like a no-brainer, but it can’t be overstated. You’ve been chosen as a bridesmaid because you have a close, special relationship with the bride. She chose you as a bridesmaid for the same reasons she chose you as her friend and she is hoping that you will bring all the qualities that she loves about your friendship to your role as her bridesmaid. While some bridesmaids do pitch in with actual wedding planning—going to dress fittings, addressing envelopes, arranging flowers and the like—this isn’t a mandatory part of being a bridesmaid. What is officially part of your job, as both a bridesmaid and just a regular old friend, is offering a listening and supportive ear to the bride as she plans her wedding. The process can be stressful and the bride will appreciate knowing that you won’t mind if she goes on and on about whether the wedding color should be lilac or violet. She may need someone to vent to or someone to reassure her that she can do it. Just be that person. If you’d like to help more but don’t live near the bride, you can always dig up inspiration and send her links to venues and vendors. Joint Pinterest boards, anyone?
2. Do not complain.
Hate the dress? Too bad. Anxious about how you’ll look on the day? That’s your problem! Planning a wedding is stressful and brides count on their girls to provide a safe haven from the madness. Do everything you can to encourage and support. This doesn’t mean you should lie. If your bride asks what you think of her dress options, weigh in honestly. She’s asking you because she respects your opinion. Just keep things positive and make sure she knows you’re excited for the day and recognize how hard she’s working.
Once you’ve mastered the rules, the following will come naturally.
3. Bridal showers and bachelorette parties.
While it’s not mandatory to throw the bride a shower or plan a bachelorette party, many bridesmaids do choose to do this. Of the two parties, the bachelorette most typically falls to the bridesmaids and the MOH in particular to plan. Maids of honor should talk to their brides about what kind of party they want and then take the reins and plan something you know they’ll love. Throw a party that reflects her personality, whether it be a wild weekend in New Orleans, a backyard BBQ or a quiet retreat to a mountain cabin. Bridal showers can be thrown by the bridesmaids, or by a relative or family friend of the bride. Bridesmaids should try to attend all events if you are local and at least one event if you have to travel. Combination shower/bachelorette weekends are ideal for friends who are spread out across the country. You get to spend more time together and pack all these traditional events into one crazy weekend.
4. Pay your way.
Some brides may offer to pay for some of these things, but you should by no means expect it. A normal part of being a bridesmaid is chipping in for your dress, shoes, makeup and hair. Please refer to rule 2. That said, of course everyone has different budgets and we all understand that being in weddings can be expensive. My advice is to speak with your bride about concerns once, at the beginning of planning. After that, try not to burden her. There are lots of ways to get creative with money. A personal gift or small token instead of a big purchase from the registry is perfectly fine. You being in the wedding is enough of a gift to the bride. You can also opt to do your own hair and makeup, or split transportation and hotel costs with other wedding guests to save. As a last resort, you can opt out of the bachelorette or shower. The bride should understand that if you can only afford one big trip, the wedding is the more important one.
5. Help her enjoy the day.
Be on time the day of the wedding. Help the bride get ready. You may find yourself called on to perform the unofficial bridesmaid duty of keeping the groomsmen in line during photos (orders to “put down that beer and smile” may be required). Your bride will need different things from you depending on the format of the wedding. I’ve brought out trays of lasagna at a backyard wedding or been formally introduced and joined the first dance at more traditional receptions. Make sure you know what she expects before the events kick off. Once the festivities get going, she’s going to be focused on her groom and her guests and if her bridesmaids know the drill it will keep things running smoothly.
Maid of Honor:
The maid of honor does all of the above and more. I’ll go into more detail about these in the future, but for now make sure you:
Plan a bachelorette party and/or shower.
Be the point person for the other bridesmaids. On wedding day you’ll need to keep on a schedule and it will take the burden off the bride if you make sure all the girls are on time and ready to go.
Hold the ring and bouquet during the ceremony.
Constantly keep an eye on your bride and make sure she looks great. Adjust her dress or hair if she needs it.
Sign the marriage license.
Give a speech and toast at the reception.
The truth is, each wedding and bride is different and they’re going to need different things from their ‘maids. If you follow rules 1 and 2, you can’t go wrong.
What else should every bridesmaid do? What unusual duties have you had to take on? Leave it in comments!
The wedding season of my life seemed to begin all at once. Around the time I turned 24 there was a mad dash to the jewelry store and all of the sudden many of my friends were engaged. When the dust settled, I found myself invited to five weddings that would occur over the course of six months. Before 2010, I had attended a few family weddings and at the age of three I’d had a stunning turn as a flower girl who refused to drop her petals.*
So needless to say I didn’t have much experience going into that first wedding in 2011. But I was excited to make that transition from family wedding to friend wedding. It was fun for me to field texts and emails from my friends as they planned their weddings, weighing in on dresses and flowers, venues and food. But most importantly, I truly felt this sense of honor that they had asked me to be in the weddings. I felt a surge of energy. I wanted to help. I wanted to be the best bridesmaid possible!
Over the course of that year (and still today!) I learned a lot about the business of getting married. I realized I was catching on when a wedding coordinator turned to me during a tour of his hotel ballroom and said, “you’ve done this before, haven’t you?” I’ve been involved in all kinds of weddings now, from DIY backyard celebrations for 70 guests to country club receptions for 150. I’ve thrown and attended destination bachelorette weekends, dreamed up shower themes and gifts, shopped for bridesmaid dresses, given speeches, and tried to be there for my wonderful friends as they have planned their weddings.
Let’s make one thing clear: being a bridesmaid is a lot easier than being a bride. But, I’ve learned a lot about how a bridesmaid can help her bride. I’ve also been really impressed with some of the beautiful projects and ideas my brides (yes, they are mine) have come up with. I’ll include my own advice to bridesmaids, inspiration for showers and parties, as well as details from my friends’ weddings that I found particularly unique or personal. I hope this blog will serve as a point of inspiration for ladies both behind and beside the veil.
*When I quite innocently asked what would become of the flowers after I dropped them, I was told someone would throw them away after the ceremony. I could not abide this, so video records show a stone-faced three-year-old with no intention of sacrificing her powder blue petals.
Q: As a member of the wedding party, can I bring a date? And more importantly, should I? I know I’ll be with the bride for long periods of time, so what can I do to make the wedding a good experience for my date too?
