bridesmaid questions | Ultimate Bridesmaid

I love, love, love getting emails from my readers and I’m so honored that many of you have trusted me with bridesmaid-related problems that have arisen and asked for my advice. Some of these problems have the potential to cause a lot of heartache between friends, so the most wonderful feeling for me is when I’m able to help someone resolve an issue without them jeopardizing their friendship with the bride or bridesmaid. I’ve realized that a lot of the time we just need to be reminded of what is most important. So I decided to ask myself, “When I sign up to be a bridesmaid, what am I promising my friend? What are the givens, the things I can guarantee? And what do I expect from the bride in return?” I thought about the kind of friend I want to be, the things I want to do for my brides and the type of bride I’d like to be as well. I wrote down every little issue that might arise, from tiny annoyances to major troubles, and summed it all up in two “pledges,” one for the bridesmaids and one for the bride. Ok, some of these are not totally serious, but it is all heartfelt (though I am totally serious about no undergarment-shaped baked good—if I see one more corset cookie…). What’s most important is to remember to be there for your friend, above all else—to be kind, to be patient, to be loving, and to just generally continue to be the friend you’ve always been.

The Bridesmaid’s Pledge to the Bride

I, [insert your name here], being of sound mind and happy heart, joyfully agree to be your bridesmaid. I pledge to uphold the following provisions and ask that the bride uphold the points set out in the Bride’s Pledge to Her Bridesmaids.

I pledge to bring laughter and smiles into your life whenever you’re feeling stressed.

I pledge to take your frantic calls regarding cake decorators and try my hardest to take your concerns regarding buttercream versus fondant seriously.

I pledge to hold my tongue if I do not like the flowers, venue, and/or color scheme you pick for your wedding. I will remember that it is your wedding, not mine, and that I am your bridesmaid, not your event planner.

I pledge to attend your bachelorette party and bridal shower, if distance and finances permit, and I ask that if I can’t come, you know that it’s not because I don’t want to be there. I know you might be sad, but I ask that you understand.

I pledge to wear whatever bridesmaid dress you deem perfect for your special day, though I ask that it not be too shiny or too tight.

I pledge to be a source of positivity and encouragement to you.

I pledge to be on time the day of the wedding (despite any previous difficulties with punctuality).

I pledge to help calm your nerves as we wait for the ceremony, be it with drugs and alcohol or hugs and squeals.

Maid of honor clause:

I pledge to plan a bachelorette party you will actually enjoy. It will be classy, it will be fun, but most importantly, it will be you. There shall be no objects shaped like a penis and absolutely no baked goods in the shape of undergarments or shoes.

I pledge that your bridal shower shall not involve gowns made of toilet paper.

I pledge to toast you at your wedding. I pledge not to mention your ex’s or that one time in Cabo, and I pledge not to have too much to drink before the toast (afterwards, all bets are off).

Most importantly, I pledge to be what I pledged to be the day we became friends: there for you through it all, the best friend I can be.