Category Archives: Basics

The Bridesmaid Packing List for the Wedding Day

bridesmaid packing list for the wedding dayEverything you need for her big day—plus a printable PDF with all the details.

Pro Tip: Stash a small duffel or large shoulder bag into your luggage to use the day of the wedding. You won’t want to drag your entire suitcase to the bridal suite, so having a smaller bag for everything you need the day of the wedding will come in handy.

For Bridesmaids:

  • Your dress

Pro Tip: If you’re flying, carry your dress on the plane in a garment bag. Planes have small coat closets that the flight attendants generally use to stash the jackets of businessmen in first class. As you enter the plane, tell the flight attendant that you’re going to a wedding and ask if he or she could hang your dress in the closet. They should be happy to oblige. The last thing you want is some kind of luggage mix-up ending with you minus your dress. 

  • The shoes you’ll wear with the dress

Pro Tip: Never wear new shoes to a wedding! Make sure to break them in by wearing at least three times before the big day. You’re going to be doing a lot of standing and your feet will thank you. 

  • A pair of comfortable sandals to change into at the reception
  • The right bra and underwear to wear under your dress

Pro Tip: Pre-plan the undergarments you’ll wear under your dress! Make sure to try it on with the bra and underwear you want to wear. Make sure no lines show on the bottom and that the straps are hidden on top. You may need a thong or to go braless. There are lots of crazy bra options for weird backless dresses—or those insane sticky things that hold up your boobs. Make sure you know before the day of the wedding which option you’ll need. 

  • Your wedding gift or a card (can be mailed ahead)
  • A button-up shirt or loose tank to wear while having your hair and makeup done (or while doing your own)
  • Comfortable pants or shorts to wear while getting ready

Pro Tip: When choosing the outfit you’ll wear for getting ready, remember that there’s a good chance a photographer will be on hand to take pictures during this time. If you want to rock your comfiest oversized sweats, more power to you. But if you don’t want to be photographed in your gym clothes, pack something neutral and comfortable that you won’t mind taking a few snaps in. Nothing fancy, just maybe something without holes.

  • Makeup. If you’re doing your own makeup, you’ll need your full makeup bag. If you’re having your makeup professionally done, pack mascara and lip gloss for touch-ups.
  • Deodorant
  • Drugs. Chances are butterflies, jitters or heavy drinking from the rehearsal dinner the night before will leave you, the bride or other maids not feeling your best. Pack stomach medicine like Tums, a painkiller like Advil, and allergy medication like Claratin, just to be safe. If you have prescriptions, be sure you include them as well.
  • Band-aids. Not only for injuries, band-aids can also help with uncomfortable shoes.
  • Double-stick tape. Savior of strapless dresses that won’t stay up. Can also be used to fix a hem that’s falling out!
  • Tissues
  • Bobby pins
  • Hair styling tools or a picture of the hair style you want. If you’re doing your own hair, make sure to pack all the tools you’ll need, be it curling iron, rollers, dryer, straightener, hair spray, bobby pins, ties, clips, etc.

Pro Tip: Telling a hair stylist to give you an up-do is like telling a chef to make you some food. What kind of up-do do you want? Print out a couple options (or have them saved on your phone).

  • Jewelry (if you’re wearing it)
  • Breath mints. No gum. Leads to potential chewing in pictures.
  • Heel inserts
  • Shout wipes
  • Small sewing kit
  • A camera. It’s hard to take time to snap pictures when you’re in the wedding, but sometimes it’s nice to have on hand, especially if the bride doesn’t plan to have a photographer present while you’re getting ready.
  • Your cell phone charger (Thanks to reader Karen for the callout!)
  • A small umbrella (As savvy reader Darby put it, rain on the wedding day may be good luck, but you don’t want to be caught without cover!)

For Maids of Honor:

  • A copy of your speech
  • Contact information for all the other bridesmaids, so you can track down latecomers or call for backup if the bride needs anything
  • A copy of the day’s schedule from the bride so you can help keep everyone on task

Coordinate with the other bridesmaids to make sure someone brings:

  • Music and speakers. You and the girls are going to want to jam while you’re getting ready, right? Make sure that you or one of the other maids brings portable speakers or some other setup to allow you to pump some tunes while you’re getting ready.
  • Snacks. Choose high energy but low mess snacks, like fruits and veggies or dark chocolate. You don’t want anything that could drip and leave stains or get crumbs all over your dress.
  • Bottled water
  • Drinks like mimosas or champagne if you plan to have a few while getting ready

Pro Tip: Keep drinking before the wedding to a minimum, maybe one or two glasses each. Even if you are normally a pro drinker, emotions run high and you are at the start of a loooong day. You don’t want to risk getting sloppy or feeling tired or sick during the ceremony or photographs from a combination of alcohol, nerves, heat or stress. There will be tons of drinking later, I promise. For now, keep it light. 

  • Any special gifts you plan to give the bride the day of the wedding

And here’s a link to a PDF you can download and print for the day: Bridesmaid Wedding Day Packing List.

Ultimate Bridesmaid’s Top 10 Posts: Year 1

Ultimate Bridesmaid's Top 10 Guides (Bridal Shower Games, Writing a Maid of Honor Speech, Planning a Bachelorette Weekend and much more!)

When I was first asked to be a bridesmaid, I Googled “bridesmaid duties” (just like you probably did) and found myself led to a string of websites that look like they were thrown together around the time the internet was invented. I was really disappointed to see that there was very little real advice for bridesmaids that delved below the superficial and most of the lists I found seemed dated and out of touch, a sort of “Miss Manners” approach rather than an honest assessment of what to expect. I decided to use my own experience to put together articles and guides that might help other women like me. I’m really honored to find out that these articles dominate this year’s top 10. I could spend hours collaging gorgeous images of bridal showers or compiling bachelorette inspiration boards, but I really put my heart into these articles. Thanks for reading them and I promise I’ll keep more coming in year two. Please let me know what topics you’d like more info on in the coming year!

1. The Ultimate Maid of Honor Speech

How to Give the Ultimate Maid of Honor SpeechThis post was far and away the highest viewed in our first year. In my opinion, delivering a speech at a wedding is probably the most difficult thing asked of the maid of honor. Planning parties may be time consuming and logistically complicated, but writing and delivering a speech comes with a lot of pressure. This post breaks down how to structure the beginning, middle and end of your speech, with ideas for topics, jumping-off points and even a gimmick or two.

2. The Maid of Honor Speech: Do’s and Don’ts

The Ultimate Maid of Honor Speech: Do's and Don'ts

Speech writing and giving was such a large topic that I had to split it into two posts. If you’re looking for down and dirty tips for delivering the speech, I actually recommend this post over the first, which is more focused on the writing process.

3. Bachelorette Games: The Fiancé Quiz

Bachelorette Games: The Fiance QuizAfter the Maid of Honor Speech, you were most interested in bachelorette games. This is a classic, and is still my number one go-to for every kind of bachelorette party, be it a raucous destination weekend or a more intimate dinner with friends. It can even be adapted to a bridal shower—just make the question PG-13 for the daytime crowd.

4. Bachelorette Games: Bar Scavenger Hunt

Bachelorette Games: Bar Scavenger Hunt

Your fourth favorite post—with super-fun free printable checklist!

Ultimate Bridesmaid bachelorette bar scavenger hunt

5. Bachelorette Games: Most Likely To…

Bachelorette Games: Most Likely To

A hilarious game to play with a close-knit group of friends (even if its not a bachelorette party!).

6. 5 Simple Bridal Shower Games (that don’t suck)

5 Simple Bridal Shower Games (that don't suck)

I typically find bridal shower games to be incredibly boring, so I decided to pull together five not-lame options. Toilet paper wedding dresses are just not my jam. Being made to wear a hideous veil every time you let the word “bride” or “wedding” slip? Highly preferable. Maybe that’s just me.

7. A Step-by-Step Guide to Planning a Bachelorette Weekend

A step-by-step guide to planning a bachelorette weekend

This post was seriously a labor of love. I pulled from all of my experiences to put together all the details for organizing a bachelorette weekend, with a timeline and advice on how to coordinate a huge number of girls, find lodging, book dinners, plan events and keep everyone entertained.

8 and 9. Lingerie Shower and Mission Bachelorette Party!

IMG_1040These two posts make me a little bit nostalgic and bring back great memories because they are two of my very first posts on Ultimate Bridesmaid. Both talk about my own experiences planning parties, one for my friend Amanda’s lingerie shower in Atlanta and another for my friend Marisa’s bachelorette party in Savannah.

10. Six Dirty Details Bridesmaids Need to Know

Six Dirty Details Bridesmaids Need to Know

From your unofficial role as Designated Bride Bodyguard on bachelorette night to corset-lacing, bustling and the ol “help the bride pee” bit on wedding day, this list includes six parts of bridesmaiding you may not be looking forward to, but you’ll need to be prepared all the same!

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Let me know what aspects of bridesmaid duties you want to know more about in the comments! I’ll have many new guides and articles in year 2.

Q&A: Writing a Speech for Your Parents’ Vow Renewal

Q: My parents are renewing their wedding vows and I will be the maid of honor and my brother is the best man. I’m having a hard time writing my speech as I am a little shy in front of crowds, and also because my parents (obviously) are so very close to me. I want it to be a very special moment.

A: Even though you are feeling a lot of pressure, I actually think you are really lucky to be giving a speech to your parents, and you have a lot of options! One of the hardest things about giving a good maid of honor speech is that sometimes we don’t know enough about the groom or the couple’s relationship to make the speech truly personal. We tend to have lots of memories with the bride, but not a ton of true insight into her relationship with her groom. But you’re in an amazing position—you’ve been around for many of the special moments in your parents’ lives! That said, I totally understand that making speeches can be intimidating. Here are a few ideas to help customize your speech and make the moment special for your family.

1. The first thing I would do is jot down a few notes of special memories that you have of your family. Think about the things that make you unique as a group—your traditions, your quirks, your favorite vacation, a famous mishap that you always tell at holidays. Then think about why those moments are special to you.

2. You can talk about what you’ve learned about marriage from your parents. As we grow up, we often subconsciously look to our parents to find out what makes a good marriage—and sometimes what doesn’t! This could be a heartwarming ending to your speech after sharing a story or two, to turn it back to what those stories taught you and how your parents have inspired you.

3. You could also team up with your brother and give a joint speech. It may take away some of the jitters to have him talking as well. Challenge each other to tell the sappiest story about your parents—or the silliest.

4. If public speaking is really freaking you out, or you just want to take a different route, you could also make a photo slideshow and narrate. You can pick funny or sweet photos of your parents that show their relationship from the beginning, including yourself and your brother. Everyone loves looking back at old memories and since all eyes will be on the images it might take a little of the pressure off you!

Bridesmaid on a Budget

Q: A friend has asked me to be one of her bridesmaids, but I’m worried about how much it will cost. I’m on a very tight budget now and the bride doesn’t plan on having an inexpensive wedding. I’m already going to have to fly down for the ceremony, but I don’t think I can afford taking other trips for showers or bachelorette parties. And I know she’s going to want us to buy a designer dress. What should I do?

A: Trust me, you are not alone in this. The cost of being a bridesmaid can be extremely high. If there will be a bridal shower and bachelorette party to travel to, you may end up paying for three flights, three hotels, and three gifts before the big day arrives. That’s not to mention food and alcohol during these occasions. And some bridal parties will ask their guests to chip in for special events: spa days, bar crawls, a limo, favors, decorations. For the actual wedding day you’ll be purchasing a gown that can cost between $150 and $300. You may be asked to have your hair and makeup done, which will set you back another $150 at least, and you may have to purchase particular shoes and jewelry as well. This all costs money.

So what can you do?

1. It is okay to say “no.” I know this is hard to hear because chances are you really do want to be in your friend’s wedding. (If you don’t want to be a bridesmaid, you should have said “no” in the first place.) But your friend is asking you to be her bridesmaid, not telling you. If you know that the cost of this wedding is going to be way outside your comfort zone, tell the bride that you’re honored that she asked you, but that you’re just not financially able to do it right now. Tell her you cannot wait to spend time with her on her big day, but that your situation only allows you to spend money on the flight to the wedding.

Yes, the bride may be disappointed, even mad. If she’s really your friend, she will get over it. You’ll also save both of you some headaches and heartaches. You’re going to be stressing out every time you click “buy” and she may be stressed out that she’s asking too much of you. If you have to constantly remind her that you’re on a budget, she may feel annoyed or harassed. You might be doing both of you a favor by opting out. However, you have to make this decision up front. Saying “yes” and then backing out later will cause hurt feelings and make the bride feel like you’re punishing her. Once you’re in, you’re in.

2. Talk to the bride about her expectations. Saying “no” not an option? Call the bride and tell her that you’re worried about costs since money is tight right now and that you want to put together a budget for yourself. Presenting it this way will keep the bride from feeling like you’re complaining to her about how much she’s asking you to spend. Say: “I want to get a general idea of how much everything will cost so I can plan ahead.” Ask her what she’s thinking about for parties and apparel. Will any of the parties be within driving distance? Will the bridal shower and bachelorette party be combined? Does she have a price point in mind for dresses? Once you know the costs, figure out how much of it you can afford. Tip: When the maid of honor starts planning the bachelorette party or bridal shower, ask her up front how much it will cost before you RSVP “yes.” This way you can avoid hidden costs. You don’t want to sign up for the party and then find out the bride wants to go on a cruise or rent out a restaurant—and you’ll be footing the bill.

3. Present your plan to the bride. Once you know the costs, come up with a plan. The easiest way to save money is to opt out of the pre-wedding festivities. There’s a chance the bride will be upset about this, but hopefully your friend will understand that you have to prioritize. Suggest to the bride or maid of honor that you combine shower and bachelorette events into one day or weekend. That’s one less trip to worry about and will be appealing to all the attendees (who doesn’t love a big party weekend versus lots of commitments spread out over months?). If you’re looking for smaller ways to save money while still attending all the events, consider these options: Continue reading →

Six Dirty Details Bridesmaids Need to Know

The term “bridesmaid” often conjures up images of wild bachelorette parties, pre-wedding mimosa toasts and breathless wedding gown shopping with the bride. But first-time maids beware: It’s not all fun and games. Here are some of the dirty details of bridesmaiding, the jobs you don’t think about but nonetheless better be ready for!

Let’s start with the bachelorette party and bridal showers.

1. On bachelorette night, you’re the Designated Bride Buddy. If you’re the maid of honor, I personally think that you are officially in charge of taking care of the bride. You’re her best friend and it’s her night to go crazy, but someone has to make sure she gets home safe. Looking out for her can be as simple as making sure she has her purse and arranging transportation for the night, but it can also mean cutting her off, fending off unwanted attention, or taking care of her if she gets sick. In order to truly watch out for her, you’ll have to dial it back a notch and party a little less than the rest of your group, but your bride will appreciate that someone had her back all night.

2. Sometimes you have to be the bitch. How can I explain this…? Ok, for example, I once attended a bridal shower where one of the guests had very recently found out she was pregnant. She proceeded to hijack the shower, constantly turning the conversation to herself. The bride was way too sweet to say anything, but I felt really bad watching this girl take over the bride’s day. Bridesmaids (and especially MOH), if someone’s got to be the bitch, make it you. Now, I don’t mean go all bridesmaid-zilla on her. But pull girls like this aside and remind them what we’re here to celebrate. The same concept can apply to girls who are holding up the group at bachelorette parties, stressing the bride out with worries for the future or needling her for any “nagging doubts”. If there’s negative energy in the group, take into upon yourself to “bridesmaid up” and stand up for your friend.

On the wedding day, you may find yourself involved in all kinds of precarious situations.

3. The term “bridesmaid” can sometimes translate to “event helper”. If a bride has taken on a lot of the planning, decorating and organization of the event herself, she’s going to need willing servants the day of to do her bidding. You are now officially manual laborers. You may find yourself setting up chairs, arranging flowers, hanging decorations or completing any number of tasks. I once helped the bride cook dinner for her fifty guests, arranged chairs in the yard, made a veil out of few yards of mesh and then cleared dirty plates and carried out each of the three courses during the reception.

4. Wedding dresses are complicated. They require things like corsets and bustling. Both of these tasks will fall to the bridesmaids and trust me when I say they can be frustrating and time-consuming. It’s highly, highly recommended that at least one of the bridesmaids go to the final fitting with the bride! There a wedding professional can teach you how to properly lace the corset (And make it look good! That’s the hardest part!) and bustle the gown. Make sure you try it yourself at least once in the salon. Need a refresher? Here’s a great video on corset lacing (with a British accent!). Bustling will really depend on the gown, so make sure someone has taken notes!

5. You may be familiar with the ol “help the bride pee” bit. This is a real thing people. If the dress has any kind of volume or train, the bride will need some assistance and it’s your job to give it! This may even extend to helping the bride sit without wrinkling her dress. One of my brides had a huge gown that would wrinkle if she sat on it, so as we waited for the ceremony to start we draped the entire skirt around a sofa with the bride plopped in the middle. She looked like a giant cupcake, but that dress stayed wrinkle-free!

6. Oh, picture time. You are so long and complex. But during this time, it’s your job to keep the bride looking fresh and perfect. Of course someone will need to carry around her train, but you should be ready for anything. I’ve toted around a damp towel to dab off sweat during a hot Florida summer and a friend of mine once switched underwear with the bride halfway through the photo shoot because the bride’s colored panties were showing through the dress!

In the grand scheme of things, these dirty details are just that—details. What I remember about each of my experiences as a bridesmaid are the good things—the excitement, the fun, the laughs, the tears. But be ready to be a helper and supporter to your friend, even if that means getting your hands (and dresses) a little dirty.

Emergency kits for bridesmaids

Over Labor Day weekend while catching up with friends in D.C., we went shopping on 14th Street and I stumbled upon these adorable emergency kits for bridesmaids at Pulp. (I also saw like a million hilarious and/or gorgeous greeting cards. If you live in the area, stop by!)

The “minimergency” kits ($16) include fixes for absolutely everything that might go wrong short of “runaway bride” syndrome. You’ll find your obvious essentials—hairspray, clear nail polish, nail polish remover, emery board, breath freshener, dental floss, deodorant towelette, facial tissue, blotting tissues, bobby pins, pain relievers, a tampon, and antacids.

Borderline emergency essentials include extra earring backs to replace lost ones, sewing kit for rips or drooping hems, double-sided tape for boob-related issues (surprisingly frequent), stain remover for lunchtime accidents, and adhesive bandages for uncomfortable shoes and minor injuries (hair styling can be deadly).

And for the height of emergencies, there are extra wedding bands. Hey, just in case!

Worried about the groomsmen as well? Check out their matching kits.

The Maid of Honor Speech: Do’s and Don’ts

Last week we went over the basic format for a maid of honor toast and some ideas and inspiration. This week, we’ll go through some all-important do’s and don’ts.

Do bring a glass up with you. After all, you are giving a toast, so you need a glass of something to toast with!

Don’t share stories you wouldn’t want to tell the bride’s grandmother. There’s always a temptation to share your most outrageous story about the bride. But if that story involves drugs, alcohol or sex, or any mixture of the three, fight the urge!! This most often happens with best man speeches, but I’ve seen it go down with maid of honor speeches too. The bride is mortified and it will not bring in the laughs you expected—trust me.

Do bring the speech back to the couple. Since you’ve been chosen as the maid of honor, chances are most of your memories revolve around the bride. It can be tempting to focus on her too much or to tell lots of stories about the two of you. But remember where you are and why you’re all there. It’s ok for your speech to be a bit bride-centric or to include one or two stories about your friendship. After all, you’re her best friend, sister or both! But make sure you bring the groom into the toast.

Don’t use inside jokes. Nothing is more annoying than a speech that’s unintelligible to 90 percent of the audience.

Do moderate your drinking before toast time. One or two drinks is fine (depending on your tolerance of course), but cut yourself off after that. A maid of honor slurring her speech, going off on a drunken tangent, adding inappropriate comments or (yes, this seriously happens) vomiting from a combination of nerves and alcohol is an instant party-downer. Continue reading →