Six Dirty Details Bridesmaids Need to Know

The term “bridesmaid” often conjures up images of wild bachelorette parties, pre-wedding mimosa toasts and breathless wedding gown shopping with the bride. But first-time maids beware: It’s not all fun and games. Here are some of the dirty details of bridesmaiding, the jobs you don’t think about but nonetheless better be ready for!

Let’s start with the bachelorette party and bridal showers.

1. On bachelorette night, you’re the Designated Bride Buddy. If you’re the maid of honor, I personally think that you are officially in charge of taking care of the bride. You’re her best friend and it’s her night to go crazy, but someone has to make sure she gets home safe. Looking out for her can be as simple as making sure she has her purse and arranging transportation for the night, but it can also mean cutting her off, fending off unwanted attention, or taking care of her if she gets sick. In order to truly watch out for her, you’ll have to dial it back a notch and party a little less than the rest of your group, but your bride will appreciate that someone had her back all night.

2. Sometimes you have to be the bitch. How can I explain this…? Ok, for example, I once attended a bridal shower where one of the guests had very recently found out she was pregnant. She proceeded to hijack the shower, constantly turning the conversation to herself. The bride was way too sweet to say anything, but I felt really bad watching this girl take over the bride’s day. Bridesmaids (and especially MOH), if someone’s got to be the bitch, make it you. Now, I don’t mean go all bridesmaid-zilla on her. But pull girls like this aside and remind them what we’re here to celebrate. The same concept can apply to girls who are holding up the group at bachelorette parties, stressing the bride out with worries for the future or needling her for any “nagging doubts”. If there’s negative energy in the group, take into upon yourself to “bridesmaid up” and stand up for your friend.

On the wedding day, you may find yourself involved in all kinds of precarious situations.

3. The term “bridesmaid” can sometimes translate to “event helper”. If a bride has taken on a lot of the planning, decorating and organization of the event herself, she’s going to need willing servants the day of to do her bidding. You are now officially manual laborers. You may find yourself setting up chairs, arranging flowers, hanging decorations or completing any number of tasks. I once helped the bride cook dinner for her fifty guests, arranged chairs in the yard, made a veil out of few yards of mesh and then cleared dirty plates and carried out each of the three courses during the reception.

4. Wedding dresses are complicated. They require things like corsets and bustling. Both of these tasks will fall to the bridesmaids and trust me when I say they can be frustrating and time-consuming. It’s highly, highly recommended that at least one of the bridesmaids go to the final fitting with the bride! There a wedding professional can teach you how to properly lace the corset (And make it look good! That’s the hardest part!) and bustle the gown. Make sure you try it yourself at least once in the salon. Need a refresher? Here’s a great video on corset lacing (with a British accent!). Bustling will really depend on the gown, so make sure someone has taken notes!

5. You may be familiar with the ol “help the bride pee” bit. This is a real thing people. If the dress has any kind of volume or train, the bride will need some assistance and it’s your job to give it! This may even extend to helping the bride sit without wrinkling her dress. One of my brides had a huge gown that would wrinkle if she sat on it, so as we waited for the ceremony to start we draped the entire skirt around a sofa with the bride plopped in the middle. She looked like a giant cupcake, but that dress stayed wrinkle-free!

6. Oh, picture time. You are so long and complex. But during this time, it’s your job to keep the bride looking fresh and perfect. Of course someone will need to carry around her train, but you should be ready for anything. I’ve toted around a damp towel to dab off sweat during a hot Florida summer and a friend of mine once switched underwear with the bride halfway through the photo shoot because the bride’s colored panties were showing through the dress!

In the grand scheme of things, these dirty details are just that—details. What I remember about each of my experiences as a bridesmaid are the good things—the excitement, the fun, the laughs, the tears. But be ready to be a helper and supporter to your friend, even if that means getting your hands (and dresses) a little dirty.

Fashion Friday

Today I bring you a couple stunning bridesmaid dresses from Ruche Boutique, purveyors of vintage-inspired dresses at mid-range prices. The line is full of rustic earthy hues and flowy silhouettes. Here are a few of my favorites.

I love the scalloped lace look and the pop of polka dots on this earthy mocha Bouvardia dress. It will be lightweight and breezy in a cotton/nylon blend and won’t break the bank at $69.

The Hydrangea dress is all about the wavelike pleats at the bustline. The flattering empire waist and flowing skirt give a ton of movement. It’s also one of the few dresses at Ruche that comes in multiple colors. You can opt for this lovely sage or grey, burgundy, pink or blue. And the $146 price tag is low for a floor-length gown. There’s also a knee-length option but since it’s $126 and only comes in one color (lavender), I think the floor-length is more bang for your buck.

A scoopneck and pretty pink pleats make this belted beauty super sweet. The braided detail at the belt is especially nice and the color would be a perfect springtime complement to a bride’s rich cream gown. It’s also $65—not bad at all!

Real Bridesmaid Reviews

Dress: David’s Bridal Satin Strapless Ball Gown with Sweetheart Neckline Style 84066
What she thought: This week’s bridesmaid was disappointed by this floor-length strapless dress from David’s Bridal. The quality of the fabric and dress construction didn’t match the $149 price tag and the fit left a lot to be desired. “The pleats under the empire waistband stuck out and no amount of ironing would make them lay flat,” she said. “I also spent a lot of money getting the dress hemmed. The length was uneven, so the dress almost looked as if it had a train. Since I had mine altered but other girls didn’t, some girls had a pseudo-train that day and others did not.” Though she does admit that the dress worked well for one of the bridesmaid who was pregnant, she wouldn’t recommend this dress. “After the wedding, I immediately took it to Good Will.”

Emergency kits for bridesmaids

Over Labor Day weekend while catching up with friends in D.C., we went shopping on 14th Street and I stumbled upon these adorable emergency kits for bridesmaids at Pulp. (I also saw like a million hilarious and/or gorgeous greeting cards. If you live in the area, stop by!)

The “minimergency” kits ($16) include fixes for absolutely everything that might go wrong short of “runaway bride” syndrome. You’ll find your obvious essentials—hairspray, clear nail polish, nail polish remover, emery board, breath freshener, dental floss, deodorant towelette, facial tissue, blotting tissues, bobby pins, pain relievers, a tampon, and antacids.

Borderline emergency essentials include extra earring backs to replace lost ones, sewing kit for rips or drooping hems, double-sided tape for boob-related issues (surprisingly frequent), stain remover for lunchtime accidents, and adhesive bandages for uncomfortable shoes and minor injuries (hair styling can be deadly).

And for the height of emergencies, there are extra wedding bands. Hey, just in case!

Worried about the groomsmen as well? Check out their matching kits.

The Maid of Honor Speech: Do’s and Don’ts

Last week we went over the basic format for a maid of honor toast and some ideas and inspiration. This week, we’ll go through some all-important do’s and don’ts.

Do bring a glass up with you. After all, you are giving a toast, so you need a glass of something to toast with!

Don’t share stories you wouldn’t want to tell the bride’s grandmother. There’s always a temptation to share your most outrageous story about the bride. But if that story involves drugs, alcohol or sex, or any mixture of the three, fight the urge!! This most often happens with best man speeches, but I’ve seen it go down with maid of honor speeches too. The bride is mortified and it will not bring in the laughs you expected—trust me.

Do bring the speech back to the couple. Since you’ve been chosen as the maid of honor, chances are most of your memories revolve around the bride. It can be tempting to focus on her too much or to tell lots of stories about the two of you. But remember where you are and why you’re all there. It’s ok for your speech to be a bit bride-centric or to include one or two stories about your friendship. After all, you’re her best friend, sister or both! But make sure you bring the groom into the toast.

Don’t use inside jokes. Nothing is more annoying than a speech that’s unintelligible to 90 percent of the audience.

Do moderate your drinking before toast time. One or two drinks is fine (depending on your tolerance of course), but cut yourself off after that. A maid of honor slurring her speech, going off on a drunken tangent, adding inappropriate comments or (yes, this seriously happens) vomiting from a combination of nerves and alcohol is an instant party-downer. Continue reading →

Fashion Friday

So, full disclosure: My 9-to-5 is at J.Crew corporate, where I work as a proofreader on the catalog, website, blogs, and more. I try to be balanced in my coverage of bridesmaid dresses here and avoid sharing every J.Crew style I love, but I have been absolutely dying to share this wedding shoot with you ever since I saw it a few months ago. Now that it’s finally out in the September catalog I’m thrilled to show it here. I can’t get enough of the lobster shack setting in Maine (I want to go to there!), but even more inspiring is the mix of dresses in the same color family and entirely different fabrics. The dresses are also accessorized with bold, bright pieces, including statement necklaces, studded belts, leopard clutches and even a rugged field jacket. The finished shoot feels effortlessly modern, but looks stunningly chic.

1. Natalia dress, $365. 2. Cecelia dress, $195. Strapless lace, $295. Lousia dress, $250. 3. Arabelle dress, $250. Sinclair dress, $250. 4. Raquel dress, $235. Downtown field jacket, $148. 5. Heidi dress, $250. Lucienne one-shoulder dress, $250.

Shop the catalog here or visit the website for the full collection.

Bride-To-Be Bangle Game

I recently came across this amazing idea for a bachelorette party game on Penelope and Pip. Rachel knew her super-stylish friend wouldn’t want to wear a tacky veil all night, so she came up with another plan: The Bride-To-Be Bangle Game!

It’s like truth or dare, only the bride ends up with a gorgeous bracelet at the end! Throughout the night, guests present the bride with challenges: Truth, Dare, Memory or Love. The bride completes the challenge or shares a story, then ties the ribbon to her bangle. By the end of the night everyone has gotten to know the bride a bit better and she has a cute memento from the event. Get all the details for completing this project here.